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Crime-solving cats? Marriage proposal in space? Thanks, but I’ll pass

 

OK, here it is almost summer, equinox-wise, and I confess to falling down on the job, letting other things take precedence, allowing e-mails offering vital information (?) to go un-followed-up-on, thereby shortchanging you in providing information you couldn’t live without had I only taken the initiative on your behalf. Herewith a few examples of the almost daily missives:

·Psychic Uses Cats To Solve Crimes, a book about a professor on sabbatical who “finds herself to be a catalyst through time and adventure, as she is stirred by invisible voices, time travel, and mysterious cats into finding the truth and resolving a horrible crime.” The e-mail doesn’t say if it’s a novel or factual (?), but had I been on the ball, I could’ve had a review copy and passed the scoop along to you, thereby enticing you to want a copy for your very own.

·Complex Telecom And Technology Needs Demand The Expertise Of Teligistics. The developer of this “patented system,” an “entrepreneur, public speaker and published author,” could’ve been available for me to interview had I been astute enough to figure out how it might remotely relate to farming — and if I had a clue what “teligistics” is/are.

·A Sure Way To Relax And Sleep Better Without A Pill. For those wanting “a break from the sex and violence we see whenever we turn on the TV,” there is “a soothing and uplifting alternative that refreshes our spirit and feeds our soul” with “magnificent recordings and sounds of nature that have enriched the lives of people worldwide.” Most farmers I know, after a long day looking after crops, don’t have a problem sleeping.

·My Interview For Valentine's Day: “I'm contacting you about the press release I sent you last week, about the first marriage proposal I'll plan in space for Valentine's Day. Please contact me if you are interested in an interview.” The galaxy is not vast enough...

·Interview Op — Feuding With Family Gets Meaner When Facebook Is In Play: “Go-to guy for family law has got the scoop on technology and the law; a polished speaker with encyclopedic knowledge about family legal matters can make a meaningful contribution in these situations.” Uhhh, sorry, pass.

·Story Idea: From Mommy To Drill Sergeant — 6 Personas Leaders Must Master. Tiger moms? Drill sergeant moms? What’s next, al-Qaeda moms? Whatever happened to sweet, loving June Cleaver moms?

·Saving People From Boring Mornings — One Breakfast At A Time!“Please read the following press release and let me know if I may schedule an interview with a talented young woman who has perfected the pancake and reinvented breakfast!” Sorry! Never liked pancakes, however perfect or reinvented! Talk to me about country ham, scrambled eggs, redeye gravy, grits, and buttermilk biscuits!!